Can i turn my guinea pig into a ..

Brief：
Me and My imaginary friend Cybil purple pants are wanting to train our guinea pigs (Doris and Gregory) to go head to head in the golden ring, but i ne.. 

Me and My imaginary friend Cybil purple pants are wanting to train our guinea pigs (Doris and Gregory) to go head to head in the golden ring, but i need advice on how to toughen Doris up a bit for the big fight, any advice? i heard two minutes in the microwave encourages muscle growth, is that true? please any advice is more than welcome but dont tell Cybil purple pants cause my Doris is gonna beat her Gregory, gonna beat her precious Gregory good!

Someone oughta put you in the microwave. That would be a hoot. no and if you did find a way it would be illegal like dog fighting. Why don't you and Cybil purple pants just go head to head? and leave the guinea pigs alone. Moron!! Ok, so if ya wanna come on over I can ask my ninja squirrel to help Doris. She's a bad a ss mofo with a twiglet I can tell ya! i would say roids may do the trick! the seem to make dogs go insane WTF ! . . . even my mind couldnt think of something like that are you mad or what ! =) Your question made me laugh! You're crazy. Well, first of all, don't put any animal in the microwave. I never thought that would be a sentence I would type. Second, Doris is probably very territorial, like most animals are. So, maybe put something of hers in the ring. She'll protect it and when Gregory makes a move, she'll get feisty. But, don't make it too obvious or you may get disqualified. Is there any possibility you can hold the match in Doris' cage? Then she would really kick butt. If you play the Rocky soundtrack in their hutches 24/7 they develop really excellent techniques and quite intimidating stares. It worked for my hamster Dave anyway, he was a champ and I didn't even need the microwave. Good luck. you've got issues man got to the hospital.. ARE YOU A F-N NUT CASE OR WHAT? tie little blades to her tiny feet the she will win for sure they do it in chicken fighting so should work for guinea pigs too if any kids are reading this, you will kill any living thing if you put it in the microwave, dont even think about it! he is only joking!